In the past, I’d probably open up this whole thing by saying that I’m a weeb. But I’m not: my interest with anime is very minimal. I see a good character design, I like it. And I like Michiru Kagemori. I have relatively little desire to see the anime, because I’d rather just use the character as some sort of roleplay ‘shell’, and imagine what kinds of adventures and hijinx she gets up to.
That being said… I really do feel like she looks. So, I wanted to get these perfumes. I will probably never purchase the Shirou Ogami one; because, quite honestly, I bought the Nazuna one, the nun, whoever or whatever she is, and it smells like an old nun’s pussy. Now, if you’re into that shit, sure. But it smells like mothballs to me. Bitch be straight Napthalene, son.
Themed anime parfums are more common than you’d think. There’s even a brand called FAIRYTAIL (フェアリーテイル）, who specialize in these things.
This was a thing before that, though. People have been making scented products inspired by anime characters for a long time. I mean— I grew up in Japan, and every kid over there knew what the bubblegum Sailor Moon shampoo tasted like. It was strong like Hellfire, and it cleaned you like acid. They even had themed Sailor Senshi perfumes over there– my step-Mom wore the Usagi one. The Mars one was pretty good: fiery, caliente!
That being said, let’s get to the perfumes.
They are not that great!
Shirou Ogami
As it says in the marketing material(s):
一見控えめに感じる香りですが、鼻を寄せれば爽やかなフリージアの香りから
深みのあるムスクへの香りの変化は魅力的な男性をイメージしています。
不老の力を持ち1000年生きている銀狼と、獣人たちを守る武骨で優しい
大神士郎という男を感じられます。トップノート：シクラメン、フリージア、ローズ
ミドルノート：カーネーション、白ゆり
ラストノート：金木犀、ムスク、チュベローズ、アンバー
Which, if you don’t speak Nihongo, says something like:
At first glance, this frragrance seems subdued; however, if you put your nose close to it, the change from a fresh Freesia scent, to a deep musk, is reminiscent of an attractive man.
The silver wolf, who has the power of immortality and lives for 1,000 years, and the martial and gentle man, who protects the beastmen.
You can feel the man, Shiro Ogami, who protects the beastmen.
Top notes: cycalmen, freesia, rose
Middle notes: carnation, white lily
Last notes: golden osmanthus, musk, tuberose, amber
Now you might be saying: Margaret, what the fuck is this shit? Get this out of my face! Nobody knows what the fuck cycalmen smells like! What the fuck is a golden osmanthus? Musk? Musk?! Is this perfume going to offer me a horse?! For free?!
No.
no.
Enjoy having that fact crammed into your cerebrum for the rest of natural time.
I don’t have much to say about this one, because I not only do not have it, but I probably will not be getting it.
Because it’s $50+ and you have to wrap it in tin foil like it’s a goddamned hypermagnet, just to ship it overseas.
Also, fuck, I don’t wanna smell an attractive man.
I’m gay, mate. Just not like that.
Nazuna Hiwatashi’s Unwashed Nun Pussy
Sorry, but that’s what it smells like.
Does the thought of an old woman’s mothball-marinated vagina fill you with glee?
Well pony up the dough, fucker, because this bitch is $50 and 50mL large!
This perfume describes itself in glowing terms that are completely and totally undeserved:
「BNA」の日渡なずなをイメージした香水です。 チェリーブロッサムやローズの華やかな香りは、みちるの親友であり、アイドルを夢見る一面を持つなずなを表現しています。ムスクの深みのある香りは、獣人たちの心の支えになりたいというなずなの本心を感じられます。
トップノート:チェリーブロッサム、ローズ
ミドルノート:ピーチ、ジャスミン
ラストノート:リリーオブザバレー、ムスク
安全警告
直射日光からは避けて保管してください。
Or, in Anglish,
This perfume is based on Nazuna Hiwatashi, from Brand New Animal.
The gorgeous scent of cherry blossom and rose expresses Michiru’s best friend, Nazuna, who dreams of becoming an idol.
The deep scent of musk shows Nazuna’s true desire to be the emotional support of the beasts.
Top notes: cherry blossom, rose.
Middle notes: peach, jasmine
Last notes: lily of the valley, musk.Safety warning:
Keep out of direct sunlight.
Wasn’t that insightful? We’re learning! The pain means it’s working!
In all honesty I can smell every single note that this perfume lists. It’s just– this shit smells a lot like mothballs, dude. And, believe you me, I have been around a lot of old ladies, and… this is just their natural scent.
Like. They bottled 2-nonenal. Well, probably not really; but, it smells!
It smells.
NEXSHT
Michiru Kagemori: The Goated One
She prolly turns into a goat or some shit in the anime.
I don’t watch anime anymore. I haven’t since, like. 2000.
The year.
Check this ass!
Christ.
The eBay listing for this thing remarked:
This is the scent of an energetic girl, inspired by Michiru’s cheerful personality, who is active in Animacity.
The refreshing scent of passion fruit and the softening scent of amber and musk express Michiru’s kindness.Top notes: apricot, mandarin, pineapple and grapefruit
Middle notes: peach, ginger, lily-of-the-valley bouge and freesia.
Last notes: peach blossom, white musk and ambergris
The original Japanese:
「BNA」の影森みちるをイメージした香水。
アニマシティで活躍する明るい性格のみちるをイメージした元気な女の子の香りです。パッションフルーツの爽やかな香りから、アンバーやムスクの柔らかくなる香りはみちるの優しさを表現しています。トップノート:アプリコット、マンダリン、パイナップル、グレープフルーツ
ミドルノート:ピーチ、ジンジャー、すずらんブーゲ、フリージア
ラストノート:ピーチブロッサム、ホワイトムスク、アンバーグリス
Far be it from me to suggest that the reading of 優 is wrong (it probably is ‘kindness’; my brain is reading it as ‘gentleness’ or ‘grace’ but whatever, I’m probably wrong), these are very nice notes to add to a perfume.
It smells like piss.
It smells like Tanuki piss.
For its price, the smell that you get out of this is absolutely fantastic. I have two bottles, birthday presents for myself that I bought… Hell, it was two years ago. It’s well-worth it.
But it smells like piss.
Which is fine. I mean, I smell like piss.
So it all evens out.
Reality
In reality the Michiru Kagemori perfume is one of the best I’ve ever had. My other go-to perfume is Viva La Juicy Rose, which is one of the most-expensive perfumes I’ve ever owned.
The Michiru Kagemori perfume smells like a spunky young girl. It smells sporty and fresh and rejuvenating. It reminds me a lot of how I felt women smelled when I was first getting interested in women. There are hints of what I feel about my Wife in this perfume.
And there are, too, in the Nazuna one. I’d say my Wife smells the most like Jovan Musk for Women, the oil. But, the Nazuna one, it’s spicy. It’s intriguing. If you get too close, though, there are moth balls, and that’s not my Wife.
Very good perfumes. Love them.
I’m sad that I will one day run out of these, but She put them in the replicator.
No great loss.
Previous Notes
I intended this to be a static webpage, but, Hell. Here you go, mate!
A few funny notes:
… the flavor profiles I took from the eBay listing I purchased it from were either wrong or from something else entirely, because Nazuna’s perfume’s description is complete bullshit.
She smells like moth balls.
She smells old.
Think about what unaired-out 20-year-old nun pussy would smell like. It’s that. It smells like nun pussy juice (Ed. note: I began to actually get myself sick at this point)
Oddly, this is in direct contrast to what Michiru’s perfume smells like, which is, best as I can describe it, piss. How nice. What a nice treat. For me.