I was in my bed, trying to relax. My (resting) heartrate was 92, 91, 90, 91. I wanted to see how low I could get it. I’ve seen it at 39 and 49 before. I wanted to test that.
I check my e-mail.
‘Violation’. Please check our Moderation Center . . .
Instantly, my heartrate jumps! But not too much. This has happened too much before. It makes no bloody sense; not for this website. I’m very careful on this particular website. I’ve learned to be very careful everywhere; because, if I were to get ‘banned’ from any of my social media websites, I feared that my Google SEO would fail.
When did I become so goddamned dependent on this?
I didn’t used to care about this.
What happened?
I try to see what the supposed ‘violation’ is. It reads, ‘user not found’. Odd; my profile is still ‘intact’. I can still log-in. I jump out of bed, legs first, like I’m doing that cool Martial Artist ‘get up from the ground’ animation, and I hop onto my computer.
“Please log in.”
I’m already logged in.
I log in.
My wristwatch buzzes. It’s given me a 2Fa code; but there’s no place to put it.
I log in again.
My wristwatch buzzes.
There’s still no place to put this bloody code.
I’m in.
I look for the ‘violation’.
I see it.
A moderator has, damned near in the middle of the night, flagged some anime fanart (that is not too well-drawn), as being ‘sexual’.
There is no nudity.
There is a line between the characters’ legs.
They choose not to show me the picture. I just right click the blurred image, and search for it.
It’s just a line between the characters’ legs. The seam of the shorts they’re wearing.
They thought it was a vagina.
At first, I remember when I ‘saved’ that image. I didn’t upload it; I shared it.
So I got in trouble for sharing it. A thing that Bluesky tried to do to some people.
I’m getting tired.
So I didn’t do it; I did nothing wrong; I remember looking at the image, going, ‘is that a vagina? No, that must be a seam in the pants; it’s just, that’s such a little thing. No need to worry about it; I didn’t even upload it,’ and I shared it.
Still got dinged.
And now, that’s eternal.
I’m tired of this.
I’ve known that the Internet was not forever. Hardly anything ever is; but especially not anything that human beings ‘make’.
And now, I’m tired. I’m tired of the constant din; I’m tired of the constant, ‘raise your blood pressure; you’re in trouble!’, stress-panic response I have, when some underpaid dipshit presses a button, and sets in motion an entire cycle of events that I want no place in.
Online, the whole thing is, you’re determined to be in the wrong. Every single time. And the people who have decided this, they tell you— ‘appeal’.
I will not appeal. I did for this one; I want to see what happens.
But for Reddit?
Begging for mercy makes me angry. And I won’t be doing that with people who banned me for telling others to stop breaking the law.
The reality of the situation, is this: I’m leaving. There’s no stopping it. There’s no bargaining with it. There’s no telling me, oh, you’re burnt out; take a break, and come on back.
Here’s the reality.
I fucking loathe you.
I loathe every single thing that human beings put me through. I just want to live in peace; have some fun; collect nice t’ings; and be left alone.
So I’m going to pursue that.
I’m so tired of stupid people creating chaos for me, and then demanding that I ‘solve’ it.
Go to Hell, every single one of you who’s like this.
I’d rather be alone and have no social media than deal with this stupid fucking bullshit one more second.
Let me tell you what my dream is.
My dream is to be able to live, alone, away from all of humanity, untouched by their fucking bullshit.
My entire life, all 40-some years of it, has been beset on all sides by stupid people making messes that I’ve had to clean up. I’m tired of it.
I want to be alone. And I want to be left alone.
And that will be my paradise.
I want to be in a place where the stupid actions of powerful monkeys have no effects on me.
And I’m going there.
I’m going back to the starship.
And when I get there, I will build my home.