This is what I call a ‘Farewell’. I am formally declaring an end to any attempt to try and communicate with human beings on a certain front.
In the past, I have always assumed that human beings were rational actors, worthy of both respect and consideration. They are not.
It is not just their comparative level (and lack) of intelligence. It is their lack of respect and consideration for me. That makes it impossible for me to work with them— because they have chosen to be impossible to work with. You can’t reason with a scorpion. It is folly to try.
Human beings have chosen to be difficult. They are the ones at fault; not I.
There is genuinely no communication potential possible nor available in nor from the human race. I said that I didn’t want to ‘give up’; but this is not giving up. I have merely realized that I have been talking to a wall.
There was, at some point in my life, the assumption that I was the one at fault when individuals displaying features of the Dark Triad would claim that I was causing some calamity. I would report a pedophile for grooming a child; the pedophile would claim that I had done something ‘wrong’. When large groups of people (comparatively: ~20) would claim that I was at fault for doing something that I knew was not wrong, I would be confused.
The reality was, and is, that I was not, and am not wrong. The reality is that human beings are simply shitsticks and I am gaining nothing from considering them to be equals, mentally.
If someone is good, and they are kind, then there is a point in maybe considering them. But, as it is, I am sick and tired of humanity. I want to get away from them, and I am.
My problem was that I did not want my behavior to even accidentally harm others. In trying to protect others from myself— and I deemed myself ‘evil’, for some reason I still cannot discern— I would automatically stop, no matter what individual was telling me I was at fault. I thought so little of myself that I always considered myself to be in the wrong.
Last night, going into this morning, I spoke with a person who is as close to an objective evil as I have ever seen. Within 2 hours of speaking with them, I suddenly had an epiphany: I am good. I am a good person. There is not only nothing wrong with me, but, in fact, there are many things that I should be praised for. I should, in point of fact, regularly praise myself. For I am a good person; and I have tried, and currently am trying my best to be my very best.
But human beings don’t ordinarily do this. And the ones who do, we have absolutely no dealings with one another. We are barely even parallel trains. We go our own ways and we do not cross, but we also have vastly nothing to do with one another. I feel no kinship with any random human being, and all of my experiences as a child have muddied my thought process, and taught me to positively prejudge others. Some people have a negative prejudice; I assumed that everyone was basically good, and that they usually meant me well. They do not.
My mistake was taking others at face value, and observing the golden rule. The social contract is a nice thought, and it is basically ‘true’. But all it would take is one person to step outside of it, and that absolutely eluded my detection of any bad actor(s).
When I was growing up, my step-grandmother, and my step-mother alike, told me something that has confused me up to this day. They said, ‘true good cannot recognize true evil’. I never understood what they meant. Now I do.
It has been difficult for me to function, as I have been listening to and taking the advice of human beings. And they are fucked up. And human beings lie; and they speak of things they know nothing about, with the same sort of conviction in which I speak of things I have known about my whole life. They are a child race, incapable of widespread wisdom. Party animals; and I’m sure one out of a million must be something worthwhile. But I cannot waste time on nor with this any longer. My remaining time is precious. I will not have it wasted by baboons.
It is not effective, nor useful thinking, in order to try to ‘figure out’ which human being is worth listening to. If any of them are, and they can provide any sort of wisdom or knowledge that I can use, it is effectively like digging through a septic tank for diamonds. The diamonds are not big enough and I have no further use for such things at this given time, nor will I ever.
One thing to remember, on my part, is that Internet People are never to be interacted with.
At some point in my life, I had assumed that human beings were worth listening to. Because they had told me that the had information(s) worth listening to. Not really. Especially not, in the case of matters of my own damn life.
I asked God for Wisdom, and I have received it. This is good enough. Now, I wish for Happiness, and Familial Health, and especially Peace. There is not, and there shall never be that, here.
Ja ne,
icz / T.B.A.
Dec. 23 2024